The Lives of the Paladins
by It's ya grill
Summary: Used to be "Chubby Mochi Kisses" but now its a series of oneshots. Ideas are taken from stuff that happens in my life, sometimes with a small adjustment. Updates are irregular. Some light Klance and maybe Langst. Maybe even Klangst, who knows?
1. Chubby Mochi Kisses

**_THIS LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED WITH A FRIEND AND ME OMFG. DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING AS ALWAYS_**

Chubby Mochi Kisses

Lance knew Keith loves Mochi more than anything. He just didn't know how far Keith would go to get the last one.

chubby-chubby-chubby-chubby-chubby

"Hey Keith, do you want some Mochi?" Lance asked. 'This is gonna be hilarious!' "How the _fuck_ did you get Mochi?!" Keith was already on his feet and walking towards Lance. "Uh, there was an Earth shop at the space mall and they had some?" Lance chuckled, holding a Mochi out for Keith.

"How many did you buy?"

"I got six."

"ONLY SIX?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH TAKE A CHILL PILL, KEITH! Yeah, I only got six!"

Keith pinned Lance to the wall. "How many did you already eat?" Keith whispered. He pocketed the Mochi, just in case.

"...four. I ate four already." Lance took a bite of the last Mochi, but a split second later he found Keith's lips on his. His jaw slacked and Keith used the opportunity: he took the Mochi out of Lance's mouth by using his tongue.

Keith pulled away. "Oh my GOD, KEITH! I STILL HAVE ONE!" "Don't you fucking dare try to eat it, then." he said, chewing on Lance's Mochi. He walked away, leaving a blushing and confused Lance behind.

mochi-mochi-mochi-mochi-mochi-mochi

Pidge laughed. And laughed. And laughed. "I can't believe I caught that on tape, oh Sweet Jesus!" she was crying from how hard he was laughing. "I wonder if there's a space YouTube? SpaceTube?" And so it began.

bunny-bunny-bunny-bunny-bunny-bunny

 **Bing!** Lance checked the phone Pidge gave him. **SpaceTube: Check out this video:  Red Paladin kisses Blue Paladin over a mochi!**

"I WILL BURN HER AT THE STAKE!"

chubby-chubby-chubby-chubby-chubby

"Wow Keith, I never thought you would kiss someone." Shiro chuckled. "Especially Lance!" Hunk added. "Wha- but- I- How did you find out?! I thought we were alone!" Keith sputtered. "Pidge uploaded it on SpaceTube and I thought Shiro might like to know." Hunk shrugged.

"Pidge is a dead woman." Keith growled.

mochi-mochi-mochi-mochi-mochi-mochi

"It was too good _not_ to upload it!" Pidge laughed. Keith and Lance towered over her laughing form, both with their Bayards activated. Shiro and Hunk were looking for Allura and Coran, thinking 'Maybe they can stop the slaughter.'

Right now, it's free game.

"Here's a good quote from the musical Hamilton: 'Everything is legal in New Jersey.' But I don't think that works right now..." Lance said. "How about 'Everything is legal in space'? Yeah, that sounds about right." Keith added. They grinned like mad men and closed in on Pidge, but then Shiro, Hunk, Coran and Allura arrived.

No manslaughter today.

kisses-kisses-kisses-kisses-kisses-kisses

The next morning cycle...

After breakfast, the team split up to do their own things. Keith was sitting in the common room, trying to hack into Pidge's laptop. Lance sat down next to him. "Hey Mullet, what are you trying to do?" It wasn't really what he wanted to ask, but he couldn't form the question without it sounding gay. "What does it look like? I'm trying to hack into Pidge's laptop so I can delete the video." Keith responded. "...Hey Lance, do you still have that last Mochi?" "Uh, yeah... Why?" Lance gulped. Keith was looking at him with eyes that would've fitted a serial killer better. He put the laptop on the couch and grabbed Lance's arms. "But, don't go look for it, I hid it and I won't tell you where it is!" Lance threatened. "WHERE. IS. IT. I WANT THAT MOCHI AND I WANT IT NOW!" Keith yelled. "CHILL KEITH! YOU CAN JUST FLY WITH RED AND GET MORE!" "I DON'T HAVE ANY GAK!"

Keith pulled Lance towards him. At that moment, Shiro walked in. Keith loosened his grip and Lance ran to his room, grabbing what might be his only opportunity. "Keith, what did I just walk in on?" Shiro asked. "DAMN IT SHIRO, YOU MADE ME LOSE MY PREY!" Keith dashed after Lance. Shiro just stood there, asking himself what the fuck just happened.

kiss me-kiss me-kiss me-kiss me-kiss me

Lance had a bundle of clothes in his hands when Keith ran in. "TELL ME WHERE YOU HID THE MOCHI!" Keith yelled. Lance screamed for a few seconds because _Jesus,_ Keith scared the crap out of him. "I'll never tell you!" Lance bundled his clothes tighter together and put them in one hand, ready to throw them if Keith advances. Luckily for Lance, Pidge was searching for Keith, telling him to "fucking give her damn laptop back". As Keith turned around, Lance spun and grabbed the last Mochi from a hidden compartment.

But Keith saw him.

There was a long chase around Lance's room, yet before Lance could flee, Keith grabbed him around the waist and reached for the Mochi. "GIVE ME THAT MOCHI LANCE!" "NEVER!" "THEN GIVE ME HALF!" "I PAID FOR THESE, I DESERVE TO HAVE THE LAST ONE!" "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice..." "What? Mullet, what are you-?" Lance burst out laughing. "LORD, OH GOD, STOP KEITH! HAHAHAHAHA!" Keith's last resort: tickling Lance. The Mochi fell to the floor, so Keith grabbed it and tore it into two halves. He ate one piece and shoved the other half into Lance's mouth. "Here. Take it." Keith got up and walked away. Lance choked on the half Mochi, still giggling from when Keith was tickling him.

So Keith doesn't feel the same way. Too bad.

I love you-I love you-I love you

 **WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. SO I'M LANCE, MY FRIEND IS KEITH AND JUST AAAAAAAAAAA**

 **My friend is a girl. I'm a girl. You see what I'm getting at here?**

 **The video wasn't uploaded on YouTube but still, there was a video spread around. And I'm not gay or lesbian or bi, still straight. Good lord, I need to stop thinking about Voltron.**

 **Why can't my phone publish properly? T-T**

 **¡UNTIL NEXT TIME!~**


	2. Bathroom Mishaps

**So thanks to the two Guests that reviewed! And yeah, I really wasn't expecting that either. I decided to try and make this a oneshot collection, thank you for the suggestion. It's going to be irregularly updated (obviously) but I hope you all enjoy these little Voltron crossovers with my life. (I'm always going to be Lance, since he's my favorite. Our personalities also fit.) Who's who will always be before the title, so ON WITH THESE MISHAPS IN THE LAVATORY! DISCLAIMER: STILL OWN NOTHING BUT MY ODD ACTIONS!**

 _Bathroom Mishaps_

Toothpaste masks are in style

(Hunk is my mom, Pidge is my brother)

Lance yawned. "Maybe I shouldn't have stayed up all night watching Jojo's Bizarre Adventure..." he mumbled. He walked over to his sink and grabbed his toothbrush. He wet it, put toothpaste on and stuck it in his mouth. But, since he was still so sleepy, he missed his mouth and brushed his cheek instead. Lance didn't even notice that he was failing so hard until he walked into the dining room for breakfast.

"Uh, Lance," Hunk started, "you have toothpaste on your cheek. Like, a whole lot of it." Lance reached up to feel his cheek and yep, there was tons of toothpaste all over. His eyes widened. Pidge snapped a pic of him and decided to post it on her Spacebook account. Lance ran out of the room and washed the toothpaste off as fast as he could.

After seeing Pidge's picture on Spacebook, Lance hid in his room for a week, never coming out.

My ears are bleeding!

(Keith is my brother this time, Shiro is my dad)

Keith was on his phone, listening to music, while he was walking to the bathroom. So of course he didn't hear it was occupied.

Lance had to _go._ He didn't have any time to lock the door behind him, but that was a fatal mistake.

When Keith opened the door, he didn't expect Lance to be in there.

Lance didn't expect Keith to just walk in.

That's why they both started screaming like little girls

Shiro was just walking past when two high pitched screeches emitted from the bathroom. He fell to his knees and covered his ears, but they were still ringing. Poor space dad...

Slippery when wet

(It's just me this time)

Lance was alone in the castle. The rest of the team were going on a diplomatic mission and though he wasn't cut out for that stuff.

"I can be diplomatic too..."

Has the castle always been this cold and empty? It's so suffocating...

He shook his head. "No, don't be a monophobe Lance."

He decided to take a warm shower. That always calmed him down... Lance stripped down and took a long, hot shower. But, he forgot to put a mat in front of the door. When he stepped out, he slipped. Because what else was supposed to happen? He crashed to the floor face-first with a weird _slop_ sound. Like, it's a reverse bellyflop sound. He laid there for fifteen minutes, screaming into the floor.

That's the last time Lance is gonna forget the mat.

damn mat-damn mat-damn mat-damn mat

 **So yeah. The toothpaste one wasn't posted on Facebook, I just though it would give it a nice touch.**

 **Favorite, follow, and review? I don't know, it's up to you.**


	3. Did someone say gay?

**HAH I HAVE MORE THINGS!! GRILL IS BACK BABY :D**

 **DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHINGGGGGGGG**

A casual, mutual... crush?

Lance... well, he wasn't expecting _this_ of all things. Keith fighting some hot alien chick over who gets to... dance with him? And...

Keith actually looks really good with a weird alien tux?

Who knew.

"Two males dancing with one another doesn't make any sense!" The alien screamed at Keith, who looked 5,000% done with this.

"Okay lady, shut up! You have no idea what makes sense or what doesn't make sense! Two males dancing together is _normal!"_ Keith shouted back at the alien. Said alien spat at Keith before turning towards Lance.

"Blue Paladin, who would you dance with?"

Oh, perfect. Just put him in the spotlight- literally. All eyes stared at him, and he could feel a heat rising up to his cheeks. He... was _not_ prepared for this.

Or maybe he was, as his body moved to walk towards Keith without his brain commanding it.

For a while, Lance had had a crush on Keith and "his stupid mullet". He had no idea when he first started thinking about kissing the Red Paladin, but he was sure it started long before they even became Paladins.

And before he knew it, he took Keith into his arms and finally kissed him, finally feeling Keith's rather soft lips against his, finally feeling Keith's fingers weave into the locks of his hair as the mullet boy kissed him back.

We _so_ aren't done here!

Someone took it. The last cookie Hunk had made. And Pidge was gonna kill them.

The Green Paladin screamed and stormed into Lance's room, eexpecting him to be eating the last cookie with some of Kaltenecker's milk or something. But she wasn't expecting... this.

And _this_ was Lance having Keith pinned down on his bed, smirking as the only think between their lips was Hunk's last cookie. Keith was living up to the "red" part of his title, as he was a blushing mess. Neither even noticed Pidge staring at them with disgust as the cookie slowly disappeared and their lips met.

That's when Keith pushed Lance off of him.

"Get off, Lance! I just wanted half of the cookie!"

"Then why did you lay down on my bed, Mullet?"

 _"Shut up!"_

"You two are so gay for eachother." Pidge finally stated, making both boys yelp and crash off the bed. Keith stood up first, still red like a cherry as he began to chase Pidge out of Lance's room. And Lance? He simply laid on the ground and dreamed about what would've come next if Keith hadn't pushed him off.

~~~~~

 **Made it extra gay this time around ;)**


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